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Offline Waynexr1000

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Joke of the day
« on: March 28, 2018, 09:36:01 PM »
I went to the zoo the other day and watched the panda bear Wanking
Then went to watch the monkeys and I was still  Wanking  :164:

Offline Snatch

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2018, 10:09:53 PM »
I was always told if you work hard you can accomplish anything, however I often find my erection just gets in the way  :156:

Offline PL2112

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2018, 10:06:09 AM »
Just bought some 007 Viagra. It makes you Roger Moore

Offline Bree

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2018, 04:54:40 PM »
A bloke is watching a film
with creepy organ music
on the TV and suddenly yells
Dont enter the church you Idiot
Its a Trap... :005:

His wife asks him what are
you watching
Husband replys
Our Wedding Video
Everything  Will Be Alright In The End, If Not Then Its Not The End.

Offline Waynexr1000

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2018, 06:43:26 PM »
Went into a swingers club the other night
Bloke on the door said it’s 15 quid to come in or 20 quid with a meal
Gave him 20 quid walked in and this big fat naked Indian guy walked up to me and said hi I’m Ameel  :005:

Offline smithy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2018, 10:55:52 PM »
An oldie but a goodie..!

Miss Smythe was a teacher of a class full of 8 & 9 year old children....one morning she asked the class to give a sentence containing the word "contagious"..! Little Mary stood up and said.."My mum said that if I had chicken pox I had to stay home from school because it was contagious"..."Very good" said miss Smythe...this went on for 25 minutes as all the children in the class gave their sentences with the word contagious in it....All the while little Johnny was up the back of the classroom waving his hands and jumping up and down trying to get Miss Smythe's attention...!
Miss Smythe knew little Johnny was a naughty little boy, always swearing and being rude...so she intentionally avoided picking him as long as she could...in the end there were no more children to pick and miss Smythe finally relented...she thought to herself, "how bad can it be?, it's not a word you can really foul up"...
She finally picked little Johnny....and little Johnny said..."Well miss Smythe, me and Dad were sitting on the front patio when a truck came round the corner"...Miss Smythe wondered how this could contain the word contagious..."Go on Johnny" she said..."The truck had lots of boxes of apples on the back....and they all fell off onto the road and they all went everywhere" said little Johnny....Miss Smythe said.." what's this got to do with the word contagious?" she asked.....

Little Johnny then said.."My Dad then said...it's gunna take that contagious to pick all them apples up"...Miss Smythe fainted..!

Lord Knobrot
« Last Edit: April 02, 2018, 10:57:37 PM by smithy »
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather....not screaming like the passengers in his car..!

Offline Snatch

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2018, 11:57:58 PM »
 If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster's feet, what would I have?

Two feet of my cock in your ass.  :005:

Offline Waynexr1000

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2018, 11:27:34 PM »
was sat in my arm chair the other night watching some ugly fat guy playing with himself on screen when I suddenly realised I hadn’t turned the telly on

Offline Patrick Bateman

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2018, 04:12:26 AM »
A piece of rope walks into a bar - the barkeep yells "Get out of here - we dont serve your kind"
The rope goes outside, messes up his hair and puts himself into a crazy yoga position.
He walks back into the bar and the barkeep yells "Aren't you the same piece of rope that just came in before?"
The rope replies "I'm afraid not"

A frayed knot.

Get it?
« Last Edit: May 02, 2018, 04:27:40 AM by Patrick Bateman »
I need to return some videotapes.

Offline serge1966

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2018, 07:44:39 AM »
Mum is taking her 4 year old to the zoo and as they pass the monkeys enclosure, they spot two chimps getting it on.
"Mummy, what are the two monkeys doing up there in the tree?" little Mary asks!
Mother, embarrassed and flustered, replies with the first thing that comes to her mind: "They are making cakes"...Little Mary is happy with that answer and mum changes the topic quick smart...
A few days later, they walk thru a park... and behind some bushes, little Mary spots a young couple "in the act"...
"Mummy, what are they doing?" she asks!
Mother, seeing that the answer the other day at the zoo seem to satisfy little Mary, uses the same explanation: "They are making cakes"...
The following Sunday morning, little Mary is watching TV, as mum walks down the stairs in her dressing gown, She looks up at her and asks: "Mummy... have you and Daddy been making cakes, last night?"
Mum gets red in the face and in a very embarrassed voice says: "How did you know?"...
Well, says little Mary, I licked all the icing of the sofa !!!  :005:
Life always offers you a second chance... it's called "Tomorrow"...